Month: July 2005

It was 7:30 in a drizzling evening of rain and I was walking glumly as usual while on the way to work just along Buendia Avenue, when a little girl around 10 years of age pranced gently towards me, called me “kuya.”

I slowly motioned to a halt when I caught the sight of her. She had an innocent look on her face and sad eyes, and seemed to be timidly wanting to say something. It took a moment before she began to speak up shyly…

Kuya, tulong naman po, kailangan lang po namin ng pamasahe. Malayo kasi uwian namin, nasa Malanday pa po, kahit barya lang po…please…

I noticed she was with her mother and younger siblings also seeking money from passerbys, they looked tired and weary from struggling, not to get wet from the rain.

Now every single day I come across beggars and drifters seeking alms during my commutes to work or home. They may be different individuals but most of them looked quite similar in appearance, dressed in rags or overused clothes, a distinct odor of not having a bath for a period of time, or even worse, a very filthy presence… and I oftentimes ignore them with apathy under the impression that they just abuse their state of beggarhood and not even try something significant that could change their own lives.

Yet what intrigued me was that they looked different, they wore clean clothes, had the presentable appearance of a typical middle class family, looked very much healthy and vibrant looking. In other words, not the typical beggar outlook. I began to wonder why.

My curiosity became tainted with suspicion contradicting with worry. Manila is a vast haven of weird and unpredictable people, am I letting myself be scammed into a trap by conniving but convincing con-artists? Should I be hostile? Should I walk away with ignorance?

But I also took pity and worry for their disposition. What if they lost their money? What if they were robbed? What if she’s telling the truth? It would affect my conscience dearly if I didn’t show a hint of empathy or even just try to help.

All these thoughts spun inside my head discordantly in a split second, awaiting my incoherent judgement…balancing on a thin thread thru a gamble. Decision, decision… what to do, what do…

A patted my pockets and searched for spare change, but failed…

…immediately I pulled out my wallet took out a hundred peso bill, and handed it over absent-mindedly to the little girl.

I turned away immediately and left…

thinking…

A hundred bucks is way too much…

…but I hope it would be enough for them to get home…

As I walked farther away, amongst the utter chaos of noise from vehicles, voices, raindrops and such along Buendia Avenue, I heard a faint “Salamat po…”

{ Currently listening to: } Raindrops

{ I am reading: } Farewell to arms by E Hemingway

{ I Feel: } blank

Written by domz at 06:28 AM.

Somewhere in Baclaran…

Me: Uh bos, may red casing ba kaso ng Nokia 6230?

Tindero: Eto o… (presents a casing)

Me: Uh, eto lang ba? Wala kayong mas lighter sa kulay na to?

Tindero: Wala.

Me: Ah ok, Sige lang po. Tenks…

Tindero: (Sarcastic) Eh di, anong kulay nyan?

Me: Uh..ano po?

Tindero: (Sarcasm stressed) Anong kulay nyan? Diba pula?

Me: (Thinking: Tangna, Gago to ah) Hinde ah, “Maroon” yan..

Tindero: (scratching his head) ahh…

hehe…

Sometimes it pays to defend yourself with knowledge.

{ I Feel: } weird

Written by domz at 10:15 PM.

Back from home.

My sanity has been reborn during my few days visit back home. At first I thought I was dreaming, I felt like kissing the ground soon after I stepped out of the airplane but I didn’t…it would be quite unusual and hilarious. Tacloban changed just quite a bit with new establishments and some improvements. What interestingly bedazzled me was to see the faces of some close friends and family, faces I have not seen for almost a year. Almost everywhere I go, I see familiar faces of people I have known for quite a while or briefly. Most of them asking, “hi! where have you been?” or smiling back with a hello gesture. Yes, the city is so small, that almost everyone knows everyone, that gossips are deadly and contagious, that getting from one point to another doesn’t take more than an hour.

The Pintados grand parade looked the same as usual. The streets filled with people and mostly looked like a mess. I walked under the scorching heat of the sun from the People’s center to the downtown area. Beads of sweat trickled on my face while I scurried against the traffic of people on the sidewalks. It was quite a hassle moving about, but I was extremely happy to know I was home again.

Spent the nights with either beer or coffee. Sleep was almost impossible due to restlessness and my newfound habit of being up all night and being asleep all day.

I was also able to spend time with my little princess Andrea. She has grown quite a bit since I last saw her in March. It was quality time. The poor kid doesn’t see me or her mom everyday. A guilt that burdens my heart everytime.

Meeting up with friends was something I looked forward to during my stay, catching up on what has transpired during my absence. Laughs here and then, and stories about nonsense.

My four day visit back home seemed so fast. There were still a lot of things I wanted to do, places I wanted to go, people I wanted to see. But then, time isn’t just enough nowadays.

I took the bus going back home, that way I could have enough money to buy some pasalubong and waste time on thinking and planning what to do next. I also had so much baggage going back, had to bring some stuff that I left behind with Simon. So it was ideal to just take a bus.

Right now, its raining cats and dogs here in my home in Moonwalk. Feeling a bit groggy after almost a day of sleeping. A cup of coffee in one hand, a stick of cigarette in another. My eyes stare blankly into nothingness as the sound of raindrops splatter against the tiled floor. My mind reminisces about those few days back home. My conscience feels fulfilled yet bothered… there is something missing…

…Oh shit, I left P200 worth of Binagol in the bus.

Argh.

{ Currently listening to: } those damn airplanes again

{ I Feel: } sad

Written by domz at 08:37 PM.