Category: flashback

In February 1986 I was 6 years old. I was totally oblivious to what was happening in our country then, especially since I lived in a small city in the province. My parents were probably paranoid on what was going on especially since our family were known supporters of Marcos. I remember seeing those black and white photo albums in the big old house with pictures of my grandma and Imelda, along with other friends in happier days of the ’60s. I was told that my grandma was once Imelda’s music teacher in Holy Infant College. My grandparents were close friends with one of Imelda’s brothers, Kokoy, who was then the governor in our province.

When the Edsa revolt happened in Manila, I was minding my own business as 6 year old, playing with my brothers inside the household. We grew up in a big old house with our grandparents and we were sort of well off then. I’m not sure what day it was but sometime before or after Marcos fled the country, a strange thing occurred in our big old house. There was a huge truck that arrived and a group of people started unloading a lot of stuff and putting it inside our house. I thought we had won the sweepstakes or we got a hell lot richer because these stuff that they unloaded were expensive. A really huge TV set, a grandfather clock a lot of other expensive appliances and furniture that I didn’t really pay attention to because a kid my age then would be more interested in the giant TV. Among the things that arrived were huge locked  suitcases that were to be kept hidden in a locked room.  My brothers and I were fascinated with the sudden influx of stuff in our home. We were very happy to see the giant TV. I guessed it had a 50-inch screen and it was from the USA. It was the 80’s and if you had a TV that big in the small city I lived in, you were awfully rich. For some reason, I began to learn that the stuff wasn’t really ours because our household help told us not to touch it or even plug the big TV in. The stuff were not to be touched as per our Grandfather’s orders. He arrived from his work as a RTC judge in Baybay, and he was not happy to see all those new things in our big house. A few days later, a truck came by again and a group of people took the stuff that was not really ours.

Years later, I found out that those things belonged to one of Imelda’s siblings who was fleeing as well, and they wanted to prevent their stuff from being sequestered by the newly formed government. My grandpa ordered to have those things removed because they put it in our home without his permission. I guess he didn’t want our family to be included in the mess that was going on. My dad laments that he should have kept one of the big suitcases for it could have been full of money.

My brothers and I weren’t disappointed with the loss of the huge TV, because a few years later after that incident, our grandpa bought a new Sony TV,  but only 27 inches, imported from another country because it had a 110v only power input. But it was big enough for us, and we watched a lot of great movies in it like James Bond movies and Cannonball Run. That TV lasted more than a decade, for the last time I saw it on was in 2004. It stopped a couple years later when my brother Dane plugged it in a 220v socket.

My bestfriend Chip recently is into the pay-per-click business. He has a lot of blogs that has a lot of ads. And the design of his blogs are a mess. While going through his blogs, I found out that he bought a new beetle… well not new, actually pre-loved, with lots of ravage. It was an old piece of junk  a year older than me that was slowly decaying with rust. Chip loves beetles. I kinda wanted to have one too. But I decided to get a pre-loved 97 nissan, that I love because it is fast and furiously nice to drive. Thailand is country with lots of highways, I can go beyond 120 kph with my nissan.

Going back to Chip, one of the photos he posted along with his newly acquired beetle, was a photo of the “Green Buggy.” It was Chip’s old beetle that he drove back in Tacloban. I remember when we were in high school, I used to creep out of the old big house at night and Chip would arrive in front of our gates and we would go for a ride from midnight to the wee hours of the early morning. Funny thing was, Chip and I didn’t know how to work the green buggy’s gears, we had a hard time putting the car in reverse. So the only thing we could do is to drive as far as Tolosa where we could make an easy U-turn in front of lonely rice mill. If we were stuck in a dead end, Chip would as me to push the damn thing so we could go around. It was crazy fun. With a lot of those escapades going almost every other night, I was finally caught when my mom discovered I wasn’t in my room one night. As I returned that night, I saw she posted a note on my bedroom door telling me how bad a son I was for giving her a worried headache. The next day when I asked my hungovered dad for an allowance, he punched me in the gut for my misbehaviour. But that didn’t stop me from doing those silly escapades with Chip and his Green Buggy at night.

Now I see Chip in a photo with his new beetle, he had it fixed and repainted and it looks snazzy cool. But it’s not green as the legendary Green Buggy. When I get back to the PI, will we have a round of those silly driving escapades in Manila? Maybe. I terribly miss his company. I just hope he won’t ask me to get off and push it. He should learn how to work the reverse gear on that by now.

A few days ago I revisited the town I grew up in. And in one morning I took off to take a swim at a local beach resort I often went to when I was a teenager. The place was running low on customers and the kiosks were old and run-down from use.

What struck me with surprise was the fact that the beach shoreline is now more than 10 meters closer to land than it used to. And it wasn’t high tide. I remember when I was a kid of 7 years, the beach was wider for people to run around and play and build sandcastles, the water was so shallow because I could go further away from the shore without the water reaching my shoulders.

In the mid 90’s the resort became infamous for dance and disco parties along the beach, that it hosted for the public just to copy the MTV Grind. So the beach was wide enough to accommodate a number of people. Now this wide sandy area of the beach no longer exists, for it has been consumed by the sea. Well, it may look normal to some people but for me, it’s really alarming. The barangay area this resort is located in, had also been experiencing immediate floods after rain showers and water levels rising and consuming a large part of the beach areas. Not only that, the town has been hit with typhoons more often than usual last year than in previous years.

This brings in the issue of Global warming. A fact that is not really taken seriously by some people, especially from the lower classes since they are not that well informed or well explained on what causes global warming and how it can affect us. I myself was ignorant to what global warming was until I was able to watch Al Gore’s documentary film on Global Warming, “The Inconvenient Truth.” After watching it, my eyes opened towards being more conscious about nature. And I’m actually getting a little paranoid about it because of the fact that it causes abrupt changes in the world’s environment, the El niños and La niñas, the melting of glaciers and ice in the north pole more rapidly than normal, sea levels increasing around the globe, more frequent and stronger typhoons, outbreak of new kinds of diseases, more hotter summer days and a lot more. I think that it also helped contribute to recent rice shortages and price increases of goods because of bad weather and lesser crops and produce, added with the non-stop increase of our population.

Global Warming for me, is the Apocalypse. God’s punishment for us because not taking good care of the world he created for us. The question is, is it too late for us to stop it? Maybe. As long as we act fast. Spread the truth about Global Warming. Each and everyone of us has to act his/her part. Sadly, even media mileage about Global Warming is still not reaching the less informed or less educated. So word of mouth can help greatly…pass the message around like a chain letter. Save energy. Save water. Save resources. Plant trees. Use public transportation. Stop burning oil or fuel and start using alternative sources of energy. Start population control. All these things has to be done in order to stop Global Warming. If you need more info on it, then google it… you’ll find a lot of sites trying to give out one simple message. Save this planet, because this is the only one we have, to live on. And that’s a fact.

For now, we can only hope…

{ Currently listening to: } nothing

{ I am reading: } The wastelands (Dark Tower 3) by Stephen King

{ I Feel: } uncomfortable

Written by domz at 07:52 PM.

Does it make you happy to know how fast technology grows especially when it comes to wireless mobile phones? I remember having my first cellular phone. It was a bulky black box Motorola, and it was analog. Mobiline was the network (and if you don’t know, today it is now know as Smart) and it was postpaid. It was so big, it looked like the steel ice shaver that tinderas use to make the streetside halo-halo. It was only for calls, no text messaging. There wasn’t even an internal phonebook. But at that time, you can call anywhere as if you were in Star Trek. It felt that we were in the verge of space age. But that was the early 90’s. More than a decade passed, and 10 cellphone units later, my new mobile phone, a Samsung D900i, is slimmer, lighter and smaller, but jampacked with a lot of crazy features unlike my first Motorola ice shaver. It’s a little more expensive than the first one but one from the past can say that it’s a friggin’ bargain. Do you remember that the nokia 3210 was so “in” and used to cost around P12,000 but now you can buy them for less than a thousand pesos? I bought this new phone of mine just last year for the same price, and guess what? It’s no bargain. Why? Because unlike before, cellphone models were less and there were fewer brands in the market. Right now, it seems that every month, a new model shows up and your new phone then becomes a thing of the past so quickly that it’s bourgeois and it becomes cheaper as every day goes by, and you feel like you’ve been cheated with your money. Then you procrastinate that you should have waited a little longer for this new model to be in the market. Truth is, same goes for that model, even if you did wait to purchase it, it also depreciates like crazy. It’s a never ending cycle. So my advice, don’t buy those expensive phones unless you do have the money to, and just buy the phone that will make you a more productive, happier and content person. Good thing I find my new phone just as effective… but still I should have waited a little longer…

…stupid impulses.

{ I Feel: } irritated

Written by domz at 04:15 PM

September 14, 2005

Chuck (not his real name) and I gleefully walked around the block that consisted of the Amoranto Stadium during the Red Horse Musiklaban Grand Finals. We were heading to the main gate because our friends who were finalists representing the Visayas, their band called “Piyesa” asked us to watch and support them backstage, and we had to claim our passes in the main entrance. At first we saw a very long line of young people eager to watch the show, but after buying film and batteries for the camera, the long queue of people suddenly disappeared. We speculated that they were able to get in already. However we were dismayed as we reached near the main gate. The whole street was swarming with a sea of people, the line ultimately transformed into a chaotic mob. It was a nightmare. Especially near the gate, bodies were so tightly compressed with each other that it seemed so impossible to get across or even dream of passing through them all. But we had to. It was our only chance to get those passes. I quickly texted the guys inside, about our predicament, hoping that they could provide us with an alternate entry. There was no reply. Time was running and Piyesa was to be the second finalist to perform… and the show already started. Out of desperation, Chuck decided to seek help from a bouncer.

“Boss, we’re with Piyesa, our passes are inside, can you help us get in?”

“Come with me, i’ll help you guys get through…”

When he meant “get through” he really meant it literally.

He guided us slowly inch by inch, passing through the tightly packed mob, forcing his way across, shouting, cursing and threatening people who were not giving him way. He was a big fellow. Quite intimidating. A seasoned bouncer. We moved in closely behind him carefully in order not to lose him. However it was still jampacked. It was like moving inside a can of sardines. I saw faces of tiresome young people, beaded with perspiration, faces full of disappointment and worry because of being stuck in a crowd for so long, unable to get thru or get out. What brought me pity was to see young girls, teenagers, trying their best to get in too, their attire and makeup ruined because of the mob. Unfortunately for them, we were the only ones moving across…slowly. After a few minutes of constant aggression, the bouncer was able to lead us near the front gate. The mob was already getting wild and was pushing their way towards the gate. My heart beated loudly… thinking that getting crushed by a stampeding mob flat against the steel gates could kill us. Think about the weight and force of each individual altogether. Collectively they could squeeze the bejeezus out of me. Luckily, all the bouncers were trained to react immediately to an uprising of that kind. They immediately lashed out their wooden rattan sticks and motioned to smack anyone who tried to move towards the gate. The bouncers were shouting at the mob ordering all to sit, instead of standing and losing balance. There was a guy who passed out because of dehydration and was lying on the ground infront of the gate, face as pale as the moon, a cameraman from ABS taking a situation shot of the ruckus and the guy on the ground. The crowd shouting at the bouncers and at me and Chuck. Man, it was all fucked up. It was so intense… that it would just take a few seconds for us to be crushed to death. Chuck asked the bouncers at the gate opening to let us in, and luckily we got inside in no time. There. At least we were safer behind the steel gate. Chuck wanted to look for the bouncer who helped us get through to express our gratitude, however he was outside. Nevermind, that would be suicide. A few minutes later, Rowell came limpingly trudging towards the ticket booth, and handed over 2 backstage IDs.

He said to me; “I was calling your cellphone but you weren’t answering it, I wanted to meet you guys nalang at the back gate, so you wouldn’t have to go through all of that…” What kind of idiot would pull out his precious cellphone for a call while being surrounded by a wild mob?

Timing sucks but at least we made it.

{ Currently listening to: } Talunan by Piyesa

{ Currently watching: } myself

{ I Feel: } okay

Written by domz at 05:28 PM.

Comments Included:

domz
203.215.117.48
Comment posted on September 15th, 2005 at 04:40 AM
“actually he’s an a**hole. letting ourselves cross that stupid crowd. that was pretty dumb. hehe…”

chipesterkhan
210.5.121.190
Comment posted on November 17th, 2005 at 09:12 AM
“Chuck is the coolest Asshole ever!!! wehehehe”

August 26, 2005

6am.

I sat lazily on the chair of my workstation, which is almost conveniently hidden from the sight of other people on the 7th floor of the building I worked in. In front of me glared the screen of the black monitor and my desk that is almost bare except for a whiteboard, the teleset, an eraser, a pen and my red coffee mug. With a relaxed movement I gently picked up my mug and took a small sip of coffee. It wasn’t hot anymore. I wished I could feel the burning sensation on the tip of my tongue. The coffee at work tasted bad. Really, really bad. If only the pantry served latte. Behind me is a sliding window, and if peeked between the blinds, one could see a partial view of the Makati skyline, with the early sunshine glimmering against windows, traffic building up in an intersection of the Ayala avenue. I admit, the view beyond the window was the only thing keeping me sane during work, since the coffee tasted really bad. Opposite to me is the workstation of my boss Franco, he isn’t there though… maybe he went out for a break, or maybe taking a call of another associate whose customer asked for a supervisor. The whole production floor is filled with the echoes of muttering voices of people busy taking calls, conversing with people from the other side of the world. I could hear Mike, my co-worker in the next workstation arguing over fees. It is chaotic. It is irritating.

I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind off of traumatic thoughts of phone conversations with really rude people. How I wish I could be rude also. That would be nice. Retribution is oftentimes satisfying. As I kept my eyes closed, the muttering seemed to increase in volume, louder even with a headset covering both my ears… much more louder…my ears were ringing this time… Louder… All voices booming recklessly into the ear tunnels… and more Louder…

Silence.

All of a sudden, every voice and every noise quickly disappeared. With my eyes closed, my thoughts lingered on nothingness and deadly silence. I opened my eyes curiously wondering why everything turned quiet in an instant. I noticed that the computer screen in front of me turned dead blank. A Blackout? It seemed not. The pale white light emitted by the fluorescent bulbs shone brightly above. I could hear the faint eerie buzz and flicker from the bulbs amongst the awful dead silence. I stood up to see above and beyond my hidden workstation to see what happened… Why is it so damn quiet? My jaw dropped in disbelief… the whole floor was empty… everyone mysteriously disappeared. Where is everybody?

Hurriedly I turned to the teleset to put myself in break. The damn thing is dead. I took off my headset and left my station. I marched towards the door looking around. Nobody seemed to be hiding or what not. Everything stood still.

The door creaked, as it swung open by itself before I could touch the doorknob. Beyond the door was the elevator facade. As I walked through into the room, I realized it was empty, the locker cabinets and even the security guard… gone.

Ding.

One of the elevator’s door opened and I walked in slowly. My heart beat cowardly at every step I made. As I turned around inside the elevator to face the door… then it shut itself immediately. The lights went out. Everything went pitch black. The elevator shook and gestured a movement heading down then afterwards halted to a stop. The door slid to open and bright light blasted towards me from the outside. I covered my eyes with the back of my hands to adjust from the excruciating light…and slowly stepped out of the elevator.

My sight adjusted with the light in a few moments and I found myself in the middle of Buendia avenue, in front of the building I worked in. As usual, the street was empty. No vehicle at sight. Everything was still as a photograph except for a mysterious fog that floated creepily everywhere. I started walking and headed eastwards to Ayala avenue. The mist clouded my view of the distance but I can still see slight vividly. It was terribly cold and even with a coat on, I felt a tingling sensation along the back of my spine. No breeze. No wind. No sun. Just the dead cold feeling as if one was locked up in a freezer.

It was so silent that I could only hear each of my footsteps as I trotted in the middle of the street. Upon reaching the intersection of Ayala Avenue, I stopped and saw the dead stoplight and a black crow perching above it. The only moving thing at the moment. Its lifeless black eyes gave a cruel gaze at me. As I approached nearer, the crow flapped its wings and gave a silent squawk, then immediately took off without hesitation, disappearing above into the mist. I turned right and walked along Ayala avenue.

Suddenly a faint set of footsteps echoed against the silence. This time it wasn’t mine. I looked back to see if someone was behind me, saw nothing but the road slowly being eaten up by a thick gray fog. I doubled my pace and walked a bit faster as fear thumped inside my chest. The anonymous footsteps increased in volume and sounded as if someone was getting close… behind my back.

I walked much faster.

Another mysterious set of footsteps joined the current one. The intervals of each step sounded that they too have increased in speed. It sounded like they were after me. I walked much further trying to get away from the haunted footsteps, the view in front of me was nothing but an empty road and buildings along it that looked empty.

Damn. Where is everybody?

This time the footsteps increased in number every second, and sounded like a crowd marching up behind me. My heart beat faster and harder. I turned around and walked backwards just to see what was behind me while continuing to move away from the creeping fog. I was shocked to see dark silhouettes of people walking within the fog. And each shadow of a person’s head gleamed a set of red eyes.

I turned around again and ran madly.

The footsteps behind me increased as I ran reaching Paseo de Legaspi. To my left was the monument of Ninoy, and as I passed by it, his head turned at me and showed an evil grin.

I closed my eyes and continued to run.
Ring. Ring.

“Uhh..Yes?”

“Auto-in na po…”

“Ah thanks.”

Woke up and found myself in front of my workstation desk. People chattering and murmuring in the background. Mike still arguing with one of his callers. Franco still not at his desk. Back to work.

Damn.

Coffee doesn’t seem to keep me awake nowadays.

{ Currently listening to: } Bullshit.

{ I am reading: } Bullshit’s money

{ Currently watching: } and playing Silent Hill.

{ I Feel: } sleepy

Written by domz at 11:33 PM.

5pm.

I woke up utterly disillusioned to reality. As I got off from bed, my head throbbed not in pain, but in blank and loathsome hysteria. I was in agony. I realized that I didn’t have a good dream, in fact I could not recollect if I ever had a good dream the past few weeks. Waking up with a numb headache. Waking up and getting off at the wrong side of the bed…well actually, I can only get off at one side.

I have developed a bad habit. It may as well contribute to my newfound travesty of waking up always in a mood of indifference. That habit is getting in front of the mirror and staring at my face with disgust. Disheveled hair, creases that would ultimately develop into wrinkles, skin that has been bombarded with endless acne, facial hair that seems to grow even while I shave, and dominantly, a set of troubled and tired eyes…eyes that has witnessed a lot of my unbecoming sanity. Sometimes I wish I could reach into the mirror and strangle the reflection of myself.

Then a cup of hot coffee becomes a mediator of the agitation between my conscious and subconscious self. I stand in the balcony sipping the vile concoction. At the first sip my mind goes blank, and when the cup is half empty, I begin thinking again… and the first thought always goes; what should I do now?

Then I try to remember all the things I have to do, and the things I started doing but left unfinished. The frustration begins to creep into my mind. So many things to do, so little time. I may have finished some things, but most are still left pending. Worse, I start taking more tasks and pile them up in my growing list of the unfinished. I can’t help it, I even try to do so many things at the same time, multitasking they say, but unfortunately I still get stuck leaving them undone.

At the end, I end up losing my mind.

9am.

At the end of my so-called day, I would try to sleep amongst thoughts of unfinished business. It would be a fruitless battle with insomnia by walking in circles, reading a book, playing playstation games on my PC until I tire my brains out.

Then the cycle begins.

{ Currently listening to: } nothing

{ I am reading: } nothing

{ Currently watching: } nothing

{ I Feel: } confused

Written by domz at 08:15 PM.

It was 7:30 in a drizzling evening of rain and I was walking glumly as usual while on the way to work just along Buendia Avenue, when a little girl around 10 years of age pranced gently towards me, called me “kuya.”

I slowly motioned to a halt when I caught the sight of her. She had an innocent look on her face and sad eyes, and seemed to be timidly wanting to say something. It took a moment before she began to speak up shyly…

Kuya, tulong naman po, kailangan lang po namin ng pamasahe. Malayo kasi uwian namin, nasa Malanday pa po, kahit barya lang po…please…

I noticed she was with her mother and younger siblings also seeking money from passerbys, they looked tired and weary from struggling, not to get wet from the rain.

Now every single day I come across beggars and drifters seeking alms during my commutes to work or home. They may be different individuals but most of them looked quite similar in appearance, dressed in rags or overused clothes, a distinct odor of not having a bath for a period of time, or even worse, a very filthy presence… and I oftentimes ignore them with apathy under the impression that they just abuse their state of beggarhood and not even try something significant that could change their own lives.

Yet what intrigued me was that they looked different, they wore clean clothes, had the presentable appearance of a typical middle class family, looked very much healthy and vibrant looking. In other words, not the typical beggar outlook. I began to wonder why.

My curiosity became tainted with suspicion contradicting with worry. Manila is a vast haven of weird and unpredictable people, am I letting myself be scammed into a trap by conniving but convincing con-artists? Should I be hostile? Should I walk away with ignorance?

But I also took pity and worry for their disposition. What if they lost their money? What if they were robbed? What if she’s telling the truth? It would affect my conscience dearly if I didn’t show a hint of empathy or even just try to help.

All these thoughts spun inside my head discordantly in a split second, awaiting my incoherent judgement…balancing on a thin thread thru a gamble. Decision, decision… what to do, what do…

A patted my pockets and searched for spare change, but failed…

…immediately I pulled out my wallet took out a hundred peso bill, and handed it over absent-mindedly to the little girl.

I turned away immediately and left…

thinking…

A hundred bucks is way too much…

…but I hope it would be enough for them to get home…

As I walked farther away, amongst the utter chaos of noise from vehicles, voices, raindrops and such along Buendia Avenue, I heard a faint “Salamat po…”

{ Currently listening to: } Raindrops

{ I am reading: } Farewell to arms by E Hemingway

{ I Feel: } blank

Written by domz at 06:28 AM.

Somewhere in Baclaran…

Me: Uh bos, may red casing ba kaso ng Nokia 6230?

Tindero: Eto o… (presents a casing)

Me: Uh, eto lang ba? Wala kayong mas lighter sa kulay na to?

Tindero: Wala.

Me: Ah ok, Sige lang po. Tenks…

Tindero: (Sarcastic) Eh di, anong kulay nyan?

Me: Uh..ano po?

Tindero: (Sarcasm stressed) Anong kulay nyan? Diba pula?

Me: (Thinking: Tangna, Gago to ah) Hinde ah, “Maroon” yan..

Tindero: (scratching his head) ahh…

hehe…

Sometimes it pays to defend yourself with knowledge.

{ I Feel: } weird

Written by domz at 10:15 PM.