Buddhist belief says that life is full of endless suffering, happiness is only temporary. I am no Buddhist, but I believe that it is true. My plan of going to Hua hin with the family to reward myself for a hard school year, will be set aside for the moment because of this belief. I believe it is a time of suffering. With a lot earthquakes, floods, tsunamis and freakish weather happening (its summer time but it is still freaking cold), I became quite hesitant to go near a large body of water.
Not only that, some unfortunate events happened to friends and family. My best friend Chip’s home burned down. That included their family business and the many many precious stuff he collected through the years like books, magazines and comic books (which I know means a lot to him), and he also got himself hurt from the panic. I feel terrible. Somehow I wish it was easy for me to go back to the PI so I could somehow console him for his pain and loss. My dad’s younger sister, Aunt Fanny, died from cancer just yesterday. I remember her having some kind of malignant tumor couple of years ago that she had an operation done, I was shocked when my brother told me she was celebrating her birthday in advance last week because her life was already near the path of the clearing. Again I feel terrible for not being there for my dad or my cousins. Life is miserable.
So I declare my summer this year, as a period of suffering. My wife isn’t happy about my sudden change of plans but I somehow convinced her with the reason of trying to save money for her delivery, or some rainy day thing. I just wouldn’t feel like enjoying myself in the beach with all the trouble going on in the world today, and the suffering my friend and my family are having right now. It doesn’t feel right. If I still go, I would have this lingering doubt and repugnant taste in my mouth. So I have decided. Now is not a good time for self-indulgence.
I’d rather keep myself busy with the usual stuff for now. Hua hin won’t go anywhere.