Category: Blog

Tempus fugit.

Time flies…whether you like it or not, time will never wait. Time has a sibling called Age, both are created by Man. Time is for measuring the day, Age is for measuring one’s time of existence. The big difference between both of them is that time is infinite, while an age exists only for a time being, whether be it a moment or a billion of centuries. Take for example, my age. 26 seems to be a small number but if you look at my perspective, it looks like it took a year to consume five years of time. My age has a limit. And I am worried that I may not be able to accomplish what I want in a specific age. Because time does not wait. It actually disorients me from reality, its either time’s pace seems slow or fast. So psychologically, I am confused whether I am young or old. I may be young (?) but I feel old, but same goes vice versa. It sucks and this whole whining on time and age of mine is pathetically fruitless. I am only wasting my time even just pondering about it.

So why the ranting on time and age? As I mentioned earlier, 26 seems to be a small number but I was not using that number a few days ago. Oh yes I remember, it was my birthday yesterday. Was I happy?

Maybe.

So what did I do yesterday? After work, I spontaneously treated myself to watch a movie alone. “Sin City” it was called. A roster of great actors, an action film based on a semi black & white comic novel series by Frank Miller, directed by Rob Rodriguez of El Mariachi and Desperado fame, and Miller himself. It was a good movie, very well produced and somewhat gory because of no red blood. White or Yellow blood seemed weird but of course, this movie was based on comics. The theme had to be there. If you’re reading right now, let me spoil your interest on it by saying that Bruce Willis’ character “Hartigan” killed himself at the end to save the girl he rescued. Haha.

Anyway, that was it. Not so much for a birthday, grateful though to the friends and family who greeted me thru my cell and friendster and email. The day before, I was able to celebrate with Genieve after she accompanied me to the Parañaque city hall. Ate Pizza and somekind of green oily spaghetti whatchamacallit. Too bad Chip wasn’t able to join. It was Good food and talk about sense or nonsense.

Every year when my birthday comes up, I feel depressed. Whether there is a party or not, I don’t feel good.

It makes me feel old.

It makes me rotten.

{ Currently listening to: } dripping blood

{ Currently watching: } Sin City

{ I Feel: } cynical

Written by domz at 01:07 PM.

Goodbye Dian. Hello Moonwalk.

Its been two days since I left Dian. Right now I am in Parañaque, trying to get accustomed to the slow paced lifestyle, the silent moments and the hours of solitude. Well every once in a while there would be the constant blasting lift-offs of commercial jet planes that annoys me but in just a few hours I got used to it.

Anyway. The place is relaxing and peaceful, no more noisy neighbhors, no more noisy traffic…but the boredom will kill me, worse, the fare from here to work will finish me off completely. Imagine, I spend at least P84 bucks a day just for transportation, thats four friggin rides back and forth. Hell! Good thing I secured a place to stay in Makati. It’s money out of my pockets though. Arghh.

Overall, this place in Parañaque is a good rest house. The peacefulness of the place reminds me of my apartment with Simon in Anibong. It’ll be a nice place to keep me sane.

Work has never been better, most of our team has just finished our PMP. Yipee! This means a raise. Well not a big one though but a just enough for my daily expenses. At last my request for a leave was approved but for only 3 days. Our team will be going to Puerto Galera for being the number one team in April. Good Job. Wtf.

As for now. I’m still trying to live.

Two more days till the worst day of the year

{ Currently listening to: } Jet planes lifting off

{ Currently watching: } jet planes lifting off

{ I Feel: } relaxed

Written by domz at 09:21 PM.

Whew, going online is pretty hard to do these days. Just early last week, our phones were disconnected in preparation for our transfer to Parañaque. So no dial tone..no internet for me at home. Argh. I’m gonna miss the stupid ironic and mixed up life in Dian. The nasty and noisy neighbors, the stupid night club just across the street, my walks to the store just to buy a lousy cigarette, the ugly disastrously dressed up japayukis lining up along the street for an audition steadily gaining a crowd and traffic. Damn. Moving sucks. It changes my routine.

Macky, my friend from work agreed to find and share a room-for-board with me anywhere in Makati. We found a quaint little place near Makati Ave, nearby bars and a few blocks from Rockwell. A bit steep for my budget, but at least it could be a nice place to crash in during tiring weekdays. A place to live near work will keep me sane, but if I have to go to Parañaque everyday, I’d rather kill myself.

I dunno. Everything seems fast nowadays. Money seems to go out faster than time. But everytime I try to think about going back to Tacloban in June, it seems that time slows down on me… extending my eagerness to go home, playing tricks on my mind…giving me a headache.

Right now I’m in an internet cafe and its 3:30pm…I haven’t slept yet.

Now I know why I’m having a headache.

{ Currently listening to: } my farting
{ I Feel: } uncomfortable

Written by domz at 03:35 PM.

At long last I will be able to get enough sleep. I was too busy working day and night and getting only 3-4 hours of sleep everyday. Simon came over from Tacloban so that we could work on Brainstorm‘s event legworks. Going around the metropolis to meet up with prospective clients at daytime was tiring, the long commutes and walks stressed us out to the max, late in the afternoon I take a short rest then proceed with my regular 8-hour nightshift job, after that I go home and wake up Simon so we could continue our work. A cycle of stressful sleeplessness…continously pressuring myself to work.

In between our long stressful errands, we managed to power up by taking a breather in Starbucks with a tall and cold mocha frappucino…what happened to our usual caffe latte? Obviously the hot summer sun dehydrated us to thirst and smacked our heads with heat and beaded us with sweat on our backs. So we needed something else to cool ourselves.

Then just yesterday, Simon took off for Cebu. I felt relieved that most of my work was done, but saddened because I’ll miss the company of my closest buddy from back home. We used to share an apartment and live like kings in our own way, helping out each other, watching tv, cleaning up the pad, cooking and eating on our small dinner table. His constant knocking on my bedroom door in the middle of the night just to wake me up to have coffee with him. It was also excitingly trivial, for he likes to leave our little so-called “home” in a mess and I had to clean up after him. It was fun and was a sweet taste of our own independence, until I had to leave Tacloban for a change in career.
How time flies. And back to my normal boring daily routine. But its okay, a few more weeks then I’ll be going home for the Pintados festival for a week.

How I can’t wait.

{ I Feel: } sleepy

Written by domz at 07:23 AM.

For the past few days I’ve been so busy working on the proposals for Brainstorm‘s projects for the upcoming Tacloban city Fiesta. It really is difficult to think creatively for sponsor’s gimmicks and ideas for designing the posters and all because of my lack of sleep due to worries on time contraints. Yesterday, as I was working on pre-production legworks, I walked and walked from one office to another under the scorching heat of the summer sun, and felt nauseated and dizzy…I realized that I only slept for 3 hours. My senses were weak and my mind drifted into deep thoughts, even while crossing the street…I looked up and glanced at the sun…the bright light blinded me into a moment of reminiscence…

Bright light.

The spotlight glared in my sight. I was onstage, infront of a young crowd composed mostly of men. They were shouting and cursing not because of anger but excitement. They were eager to see their favorite band play… and I was the delay. I had to acknowledge the sponsors first before introducing the main act. I was wasting their time. Then the lights went dim, and smoke from the smoke machine started flooding the stage…it was time…

Back.

I was in the middle of the street…in between opposite lanes… covered with smoke emissions from passing vehicles…

…feeling tired…

…feverish…

…nauseated…

…sleepy…

…sweaty…

…but most of all feeling…

…busy?

{ Currently listening to: } horns honking

{ I am reading: } road signs

{ Currently watching: } myself crossing the road

{ I Feel: } tired

Written by domz at 07:13 AM.

It’s confirmed. We’ll be moving to Parañaque in June. Boohoo. Goodbye Makati. It’ll be farther away from work. That’ll mean long commutes, stuck in traffic, and even worse, late for work. Well, it isn’t my choice…I’m not the one paying the rent. But this will be hard. Not only will it affect my work, it will also affect my attachment with this city, for I have been a resident here ever since I arrived.

I became fond of this city because of it being so organized, clean and prosperous. And so strict that you can’t just get on or off a bus anywhere along Ayala Avenue and Makati’s own yellow policemen called MAPSA were even glad to catch me smoking in the Ayala MRT station’s premises and confiscate my ID for a “first offense” fine of P1000…how expensively luxurious for a fine. Well, I never showed up to get my ID, and I bet I’m in their wanted list right now. Oh come on, a thousand bucks fine for a joint? That’s ridiculous!

But anyway, I learned my lesson. It shows that this city is well developed, urbanized and civilized. Low crime rate, I mean so low that I was robbed only once last year! Going around the city is convinient because even if it takes 30 minutes waiting in a bus just to pass through Ayala Ave. at rush hour, you can always walk through the city’s pedestrian underpasses and overpass going straight to Glorietta in 15 minutes.

In short, Makati is a beautiful city and I hate moving elsewhere yet. So I decided that I am going to rent a place for myself. I know this will half-empty my pockets, but I rather be less than 2 kilometers away from where I work. Well, at least a small place where I can crash during weekdays can do, and I can spend my restdays in Paranaque.

Another change in routine again.

Well as always, the only constant thing in life is change…

{ Currently listening to: } rush hour traffic

{ Currently watching: } the calendar

{ I Feel: } uncomfortable

Written by domz at 06:53 PM.

It was dawn.
The golden rays of the Sun streaked amongst the orange sky. The edges of the gray clouds gleamed bright yellow as it contrasted with the darkness of the cloud’s shadows. The Sun sadly moved up slowly moment by moment. Underneath the Sun along the horizon glowed the bright green leaves of the various vegetation that flourished collectively over the hills of Samar. And right below it, the silver blue waters of the Maqueda bay sparkled like diamonds by the golden reflection of the rising sunlight. The cold early morning wind blasted against my face with tiny sprinkles of sea water and mist. My hair flowed deliriously along with the wind as the motorized boat I rode dashed across the waves of the bay. The early morning scent was salty and the air was thin for me to breathe. The noisy petrol engine of the boat roared loudly that it almost drowned the faint splashes of waves against the boat’s hull. The thought of being above a body of water so deep that one might risk drowning in while looking at the stable and safe hospitable view of the horizon brings mixed feelings. A feeling of uncertainty and thrill but overwhelmed by the attraction of that moment.

It was dark.
I felt a piercing pain in my head and slothful heaviness on my limbs. My eyelids were heavy too. My eyes were sensitive to any hint of light.

It was 7 pm. I just woke up. Another night of work.

So much for a flashback in a dream.

Wish I could go back to that moment.

{ Currently listening to: } silence
{ I am reading: } between the lines
{ Currently watching: } the backside of my head
{ I Feel: } sleepy

Written by domz at 07:34 PM.

Out of sheer stupidity and ignorance caused by lack of concentration, I went to work today even it was my rest day. The funny thing is… I WAS UNAWARE OF IT FOR 6 HOURS! I’m getting dumb and stupid lately. I lost track of the days, thought it was still Thursday morning. My colleague Ryan discovered it when I showed him my schedule…and my was it funny to the Guys at work. I was a bit embarrassed, but at least my boss Amy promised to approve it as overtime work and she let me get off work early. So at least I have earned extra by working today, rather than just staying home and boring myself to death.

{ Currently listening to: } the echoes in my empty head

{ I am reading: } my schedule

{ Currently watching: } the calendar

{ I Feel: } stupid
Written by domz at 09:15 AM.

Successive sleep deprivation is overrated.

I used to love being up all night and sleeping all day. Yet I must confess that nowadays, I don’t want it. Although my mind used to work extensively on creativity and logic when the sun is nowhere to be found, lately the only objective it drives me into is to hit the sack. Is it one of the signs of growing old? Perhaps. But I don’t want to accept that I am slowly deteriorating day by day. It is a given fact that we all grow mature physically, mentally and emotionally until our ultimate demise, and we all try to reverse it or perhaps delay the process by taking care of our health thru excercise, diets or what not. Well you know what? We all die and there’s no way to stop it. So I think it must be best to stop wasting time trying to delay Mother Nature, and spend it more wisely on indulgence. Yes. So at least when you die, you die with fulfillment, since you have spent more time in enjoying life and not wasting it on some fruitless way to stop life from ending.

Now here’s the question…is sleep a way of indulgence or another delaying tactic for death?

It sounds stupid to make such a pointless argument, but look at it this way…sleep would be an indulgence since we enjoy sleeping, it is a pastime we love and sometimes we’re deprived of. Sleep is also considered as a delaying tactic for death, because lack of sleep often leads to vulnerability to poor health or illness, leading to death. So should we waste time on sleeping or should we indulge on the luxury of sleeping?

The answer is not both of them, but either one of them.

It’s up to you to decide the purpose of sleep.

But for me…I’d rather sleep on it.

{ Currently listening to: } my snores

{ I am reading: } Life of Pi – Yann Martel

{ Currently watching: } thin air

{ I Feel: } sleepy

Written by domz at 07:21 PM.

Tempus fugit.

It seems like it was just yesterday I arrived in this chaotic inferno. I realized that I have just spent eight months of my life, away from my good friends, away from my brothers, my sister, my mom…and most of all my little Nikki.

What surprises me is that I am still able to remember vaguely some of the last few days I spent with them before I left…and it haunts me. Was it a wrong decision to come here? What would my life be like if I had not left?

I must admit that I somewhat regret leaving home. Trying not to think and dream about Tacloban is so difficult. I just wish home was just a few hours away. If airplanes weren’t too damn expensive, I would go home every weekend.

Every second spent here feels like a waste of my life. Although I am more productive because I have work here and goals to reach, I wish I was wasting my life being unproductive…a bum…carefree…but at home.

Work sucks. But being worthless is much worse. In times of my rare fifteen-minute work break, I find it a waste of time to go up and down the elevator just to indulge on burnt tobacco…so I sit back and close my eyes. As I open them up again, I can see the clear blue sky adjacent to the greenish-blue waters of the Cancabato bay. A strong breeze of cool sea air blowing against my face, my hair gently disheveled by the wind. I can hear the sound of the small waves splashing against the protective sea wall…the sound of wind tunneling into my ears…the faint giggles and laughter of children playing nearby. A perfect afternoon standing over a getty along the Magsaysay boulevard. All my senses are alive…the sense of feeling at home again.

I closed my eyes again so I can try to capture every detail of it in my thoughts…and steadily open them up again…

It is cold, dull and sad… back at the office.

I want to go home.

But it isn’t time yet.

A sacrifice I have to bear.

{ Currently listening to: } satie

{ I am reading: } The Five people you meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

{ I Feel: } homesick
Written by domz at 11:51 PM.