Category: flashback

It was dawn.
The golden rays of the Sun streaked amongst the orange sky. The edges of the gray clouds gleamed bright yellow as it contrasted with the darkness of the cloud’s shadows. The Sun sadly moved up slowly moment by moment. Underneath the Sun along the horizon glowed the bright green leaves of the various vegetation that flourished collectively over the hills of Samar. And right below it, the silver blue waters of the Maqueda bay sparkled like diamonds by the golden reflection of the rising sunlight. The cold early morning wind blasted against my face with tiny sprinkles of sea water and mist. My hair flowed deliriously along with the wind as the motorized boat I rode dashed across the waves of the bay. The early morning scent was salty and the air was thin for me to breathe. The noisy petrol engine of the boat roared loudly that it almost drowned the faint splashes of waves against the boat’s hull. The thought of being above a body of water so deep that one might risk drowning in while looking at the stable and safe hospitable view of the horizon brings mixed feelings. A feeling of uncertainty and thrill but overwhelmed by the attraction of that moment.

It was dark.
I felt a piercing pain in my head and slothful heaviness on my limbs. My eyelids were heavy too. My eyes were sensitive to any hint of light.

It was 7 pm. I just woke up. Another night of work.

So much for a flashback in a dream.

Wish I could go back to that moment.

{ Currently listening to: } silence
{ I am reading: } between the lines
{ Currently watching: } the backside of my head
{ I Feel: } sleepy

Written by domz at 07:34 PM.

Out of sheer stupidity and ignorance caused by lack of concentration, I went to work today even it was my rest day. The funny thing is… I WAS UNAWARE OF IT FOR 6 HOURS! I’m getting dumb and stupid lately. I lost track of the days, thought it was still Thursday morning. My colleague Ryan discovered it when I showed him my schedule…and my was it funny to the Guys at work. I was a bit embarrassed, but at least my boss Amy promised to approve it as overtime work and she let me get off work early. So at least I have earned extra by working today, rather than just staying home and boring myself to death.

{ Currently listening to: } the echoes in my empty head

{ I am reading: } my schedule

{ Currently watching: } the calendar

{ I Feel: } stupid
Written by domz at 09:15 AM.

Successive sleep deprivation is overrated.

I used to love being up all night and sleeping all day. Yet I must confess that nowadays, I don’t want it. Although my mind used to work extensively on creativity and logic when the sun is nowhere to be found, lately the only objective it drives me into is to hit the sack. Is it one of the signs of growing old? Perhaps. But I don’t want to accept that I am slowly deteriorating day by day. It is a given fact that we all grow mature physically, mentally and emotionally until our ultimate demise, and we all try to reverse it or perhaps delay the process by taking care of our health thru excercise, diets or what not. Well you know what? We all die and there’s no way to stop it. So I think it must be best to stop wasting time trying to delay Mother Nature, and spend it more wisely on indulgence. Yes. So at least when you die, you die with fulfillment, since you have spent more time in enjoying life and not wasting it on some fruitless way to stop life from ending.

Now here’s the question…is sleep a way of indulgence or another delaying tactic for death?

It sounds stupid to make such a pointless argument, but look at it this way…sleep would be an indulgence since we enjoy sleeping, it is a pastime we love and sometimes we’re deprived of. Sleep is also considered as a delaying tactic for death, because lack of sleep often leads to vulnerability to poor health or illness, leading to death. So should we waste time on sleeping or should we indulge on the luxury of sleeping?

The answer is not both of them, but either one of them.

It’s up to you to decide the purpose of sleep.

But for me…I’d rather sleep on it.

 

{ Currently listening to: } my snores

{ I am reading: } Life of Pi – Yann Martel

{ Currently watching: } thin air

{ I Feel: } sleepy

 

Written by domz at 07:21 PM.

Tempus fugit.

It seems like it was just yesterday I arrived in this chaotic inferno. I realized that I have just spent eight months of my life, away from my good friends, away from my brothers, my sister, my mom…and most of all my little Nikki.

What surprises me is that I am still able to remember vaguely some of the last few days I spent with them before I left…and it haunts me. Was it a wrong decision to come here? What would my life be like if I had not left?

I must admit that I somewhat regret leaving home. Trying not to think and dream about Tacloban is so difficult. I just wish home was just a few hours away. If airplanes weren’t too damn expensive, I would go home every weekend.

Every second spent here feels like a waste of my life. Although I am more productive because I have work here and goals to reach, I wish I was wasting my life being unproductive…a bum…carefree…but at home.

Work sucks. But being worthless is much worse. In times of my rare fifteen-minute work break, I find it a waste of time to go up and down the elevator just to indulge on burnt tobacco…so I sit back and close my eyes. As I open them up again, I can see the clear blue sky adjacent to the greenish-blue waters of the Cancabato bay. A strong breeze of cool sea air blowing against my face, my hair gently disheveled by the wind. I can hear the sound of the small waves splashing against the protective sea wall…the sound of wind tunneling into my ears…the faint giggles and laughter of children playing nearby. A perfect afternoon standing over a getty along the Magsaysay boulevard. All my senses are alive…the sense of feeling at home again.

I closed my eyes again so I can try to capture every detail of it in my thoughts…and steadily open them up again…

It is cold, dull and sad… back at the office.

I want to go home.

But it isn’t time yet.

A sacrifice I have to bear.

{ Currently listening to: } satie

{ I am reading: } The Five people you meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

{ I Feel: } homesick
Written by domz at 11:51 PM.

Originally Posted on August 20, 2004 at 07:59 pm

Mosquitoes are nasty little bloodsuckers.

Mang Tito, an old guy who works for my uncle and comes around this little shell at daytime for some paperwork was smiling enigmatically.

What is this weird old man up to?

I noticed he was glancing at the dinner table. I went to look at it myself.

“May alaga ako dyan..”

What? I saw no animal below the table…so I went nearer…and guess what I saw?

A fucking fat mosquito.

I tried to shoo it away but it just stayed there.

“Hindi na makakalipad yan…”

Did he mean the fat pest was too heavy to fly? I inspected it closely. I noticed it had no more wings…the old dude must have plucked it with sheer precision.

What the fuck..?!?!

“…tinanggal ko yung pakpak, pinaparusahan ko kasi kanina pa ako kinakagat…”

No matter how old he was, this guy was sick. Sadistically sick in the head. How cruel. I mean, why not just kill the bitch (only female mosquitoes suck blood) and end its misery?

The old man laughed hysterically.

I gave a plastic laugh, and sat on a chair a few steps away from the dinner table. Minutes passed, and Mang Tito went back to the dinner table…

“Oy, ‘wag kang tatakas…hindi pa tapos ang parusa mo…”

…and gently pushed the mosquito back to the middle of the table for it was hopping its way to the edge.

Somebody dial the loony bin. This guy has lost it.

And he went back to his work. I stared at the dinner table blankly. I was drinking coffee at that time, and somehow I came back to my senses.

Why is the thought of that fat mosquito bothering me? It made no sense at all. Crazy old man…what if reincarnation is real, and after you die…you’ll be reincarnated into a mosquito? Would you like it if some crazy old dude pulls out your wings and leave you stuck on a dinner table?

I was bothered. The damn mosquito was annoying me in my mindless boredom.

I stood up and approached the dinner table…and wiped the mosquito off it…it carelessly fell on the floor…

Squish.

As I released my foot (I was wearing slippers) from the vile insect, I saw no life in it…just a flattened piece of dirt and a tiny blot of blood.

Mang Tito…nakatakas na yung alaga mo…

There.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

I went back to my mindless and bored thoughts.

Ps. As of 2005, Mang Tito was terminated by my Uncle. Tsk tsk, weird old man…

{ Currently listening to: } myself being silent
{ I Feel: } nostalgic

 

Written by domz at 03:15 PM.